Mike Bazanele's "In a Grove" Teaser Trailer

The very first sneak-peak at my new short film "In a Grove", which is based on the Ryunosuke Akutagawa short story of the same name. Other adaptations of this story include Akira Kurosawa's "Rashomon" and the Star Trek: TNG episode "A Matter of Perspective". The story is so popular in Japan that it's title "In a Grove" (Yabu no Naka) has become a common idiom for a situation in which no conclusion can be drawn because evidence is insufficient or contradictory. I'm very pleased with how this trailer turned out. While the teaser trailer includes only black and white footage, the final film will alternate between black and white and color. The haunting acid-western theme used in the trailer was graciously furnished by Little j and Ed Wrzesien. Enjoy!

Shutter (2008)

Directed by Masayuki Ochiai
Written by Luke Dawson

Rated PG-13 for terror, disturbing images, sexual content and language.

"Shutter" is one in a long line of recent Hollywood remakes of Asian horror films. Though I haven't seen the original "Shutter" (2004, Thailand), I feel like the American remake is a respectable addition to the "Asian horror remake" genre. Asian horror fans will appreciate the frequent homages to the "classic" Asian horror films, most notably "The Ring" and "The Grudge". Beautifully photographed and well-acted, "Shutter" is more than just another horror rehash.

The story starts with the wedding of Benjamin and Jane Shaw (Joshua Jackson and Rachael Taylor). While Joshua Jackson isn't my top pick for a horror lead, he does well enough as a newlywed photographer with a dark past. Rachael Taylor is pitch-perfect as the "blond Asian horror remake survivor girl", joining the proud ranks of fellow "survivor girls" Sarah Michelle Gellar ("The Grudge") and Naomi Watts ("The Ring"). Taylor is beautiful and vulnerable as a new bride being called away to Japan for her husband's work.

In the car on the way to their Japanese honeymoon, Jane accidentally hits a strange woman who appears suddenly in the road. Jane loses control of the car and it crashes. As she's sitting in the wrecked car, Jane sees the woman she hit sit up and look at her creepily. By the time the police and ambulance have arrived, there's no sign of the strange woman, and no evidence that she was ever there.

Disturbed by the experience, Jane tries to enjoy her honeymoon but is still haunted by the image of the girl on the road. Ben has been suffering back pains since the car wreck, but is otherwise no worse for the wear. He starts his job at a big Japanese company where everyone seems to know and like him. Ben has worked in Japan previously, though Jane is visiting for the first time. Jane is a little uneasy about how friendly Ben is with his female Japanese co-workers, especially his sultry and aptly-named secretary Yoko. Ben also has two crass, womanizing male coworkers named Bruno and Adam that immediately make Jane uncomfortable.

While Ben sets to work on a big Fashion photo shoot, Jane shows herself around the city. Disturbed by some phantom images on her honeymoon photos, Jane has Yoko take her to the publisher of a "spirit photography" magazine. Yoko explains that the Japanese are very interested in supernatural phenomenon. While most "spirit photos" are faked using computer editing effects, some are thought to be the result of actual spirit activity. Yoko's friend tells Jane that Polaroids can't be faked. The simple shutter action and self-developing format make it impossible to insert an image artificially into a Polaroid picture, therefore spirit images on Polaroid film are considered to be authentic. Back at the fashion shoot, Ben is having problems with phantom images too. He thinks he sees a girl on the photo set, but when he looks again she's gone. When the film from the shoot is developed, Ben finds that every photo has been ruined by faded ghostly images. Ben assumes that the camera must have been damaged by the car crash, but Jane suspects something darker is at play.

Jane notices that in the photos from the fashion shoot, all of the phantom images point to a certain corner office in the building Ben works in. Borrowing a Polaroid camera from Yoko, Jane sneaks into the building to look for the dead girl. The office in question turns out to be the "International Office", where Ben, Bruno and Adam work. Jane uses the Polaroid to "scan" the room for the ghostly girl. When she gets a glimpse of the ghost, Jane panics and starts to run out of the office, but a picture falls off of the wall, startling her. It's a group picture of several of the International Office's employees, including the ghostly girl whose name Jane learns is Megumi Tanaka. On the back of the photo is a stamp that reads "Photo Taken by Benjamin Shaw".

Jane is furious to discover that Ben had been lying about knowing Megumi. He reveals that she is actually his ex-girlfriend. They had been dating steadily for a while when Ben was in Japan several years ago, and when he decided to break it off, she became depressed and started stalking him. Ben says that he asked Adam and Bruno to talk to Megumi about it and that he hasn't seen her since. When Adam and Bruno both die mysterious, gruesome deaths, Ben worries that he's next. Newly armed with the identity of their phantom stalker, Jane and Ben rush to Megumi's abandoned apartment to find out what happened to the intense, quiet girl.

I give "Shutter" an 8/10. It's too derivative of other Asian horror films to be a truly great film, but it follows the formula lovingly. A few instances of noticeably computer-generated effects brought the overall visual quality down, but most of the film is beautifully shot and well-edited. I particularly enjoyed the twist at the end, in which the true reason for Megumi's wrath is revealed. The end also features one image that is both original and creepy-as-hell (bonus points if you post a comment that describes the scene I'm talking about). Of course I use the term "original" loosely, as "Shutter" is a remake itself. All-in-all, this fine contribution to the remake genre makes me yearn to watch the original Thai "Shutter" (review to come?).













I also recommend:

I Bury the Living (1958)

Directed by Albert Band
Written by Louis Garfinkle

Unrated

"I Bury the Living" was a pleasant surprise. In spite of the cheesy title and sensationalized movie poster, "I Bury the Living" actually turned out to be a surprisingly modern thinking-man's (or woman's) horror film.

Richard Boone stars as Robert Kraft, a department store owner whose business interests place him next in line to be the chairperson for the Immortal Hills Cemetery.  Though he doesn't want the position, Bob quickly finds himself being shown around the Cemetery manager's shack by the thick-brogued Scotsman groundskeeper Andy McKee (Theodore Bikel).

Bikel and Boone as Andy McKee and Robert Kraft (left to right)

Andy shows Bob around the groundkeeper's hut. The two key fixtures here are a heater that doesn't work and a creepy wall-mounted map of the cemetery grounds. Andy explains that the plots with white pins stuck in them on the map indicate people who have reserved grave plots but are still living, while the black pins denote graves whose owners have died and been buried. As they are talking, a couple of young newlyweds come to buy a pair of adjoining plots. The groom explains that his inheritance will only pay out after he's bought a plot each for himself and his wife at Immortal Hills Cemetery, which I personally thought was an oddly morbid stipulation. Robert sells them the plots and puts some pins in the map to reserve their plots for them, but he accidentally marks them with black pins instead of white.

When Robert receives word a few days later that the young couple has died in a car crash, he begins to suspect that the map has some kind of supernatural powers. Half-disbelieving, he sticks a black pin at random into one of the plots on the map, removing the white pin that had been there before. When the owner of this plot turns up dead too, Robert becomes convinced that there is some kind of dark sympathetic magic at play.

Robert tries to tell his story to the cops, who receive it with cynicism and disbelief. The police are convinced that Kraft is just superstitious and that the deaths are coincidental. They cannot claim wrongful death without any evidence of such. Robert tries to tell his coworkers on the board at his department store about the map, but they tell him he's just paranoid. In order to put his mind at rest, Kraft's coworkers arrange a "test" of the map's powers. They choose a random person who has a plot at Immortal Hills, and get Kraft to replace the white pin with a black one. The board members promise that if anything happens to the owner of the plot, Kraft can resign as chairperson at the cemetery with no questions asked.

Of course something DOES happen to the man in question, but Kraft is beginning to realize that the map can't be killing people on it's own. Some of the Kraft Department Store board members have been chairpersons for the cemetery before Robert, and they reported using the wrong pin color on the map many times with no mishap. Robert begins to suspect that it is not just the map that is killing people, but that something dark within himself is turning the map into a deadly weapon.

Kraft's fellow board members tell him that he can resign if he wants to, but now Robert is too obsessed with the map and his dark powers to back out. He insists that he stay at the cemetery, so that no one else will use the murderous map. Though they are uneasy about the most recent death, the other board members propose a final test. Robert will place black pins in the plots of his fellow board members, including his uncle George, to prove once and for all that the curse isn't real. Robert protests, knowing that the black pins could mean death for his coworkers, but they insist. When all three men die, one by one, Robert is left the sole surviving member of the board.

At this point, enough people have died that even the police are willing to entertain Kraft's outlandish theory. They bring their own test to Robert: Put a black pin in the map on the plot of someone who is young, healthy, and currently in France. Robert tells the police plainly that to do so would mean the man's death. They accept responsibility for any consequences of their test, and force Robert to pin the plot. They reason that the other deaths all occurred in an isolated area, and that a death so far away would establish the range of the map's "powers". After doing the deed, Kraft calls Paris to talk to the man, only to be told by his wife that he's passed away.

At this point, Kraft's mental disorientation begins to be reflected in the editing. Stylish transitions and surprisingly modern editing techniques herald in Kraft's mental breakdown. The map seems to grow and distort, nearly filling Kraft's office. As he stares at the map, Robert realizes that if he has the power to take lives with the black pins, he should also be able to reverse the process with the white ones. Robert replaces all of the black pins of the people who'd died with white ones, and then lights a fire in the middle of the room and locks himself inside. But the fire burns out without catching the building ablaze, and Kraft suffers some smoke-inhalation, but is otherwise unharmed. Rushing out to the graves he'd marked, Robert is horrified and amazed to discover the graves empty.

 

Richard Boone at first struck me as a rather boring choice for the lead, but as the film progressed, he performed some powerful scenes that gradually earned him my respect. Theodore Bikel lays on the thickest Scottish accent I've ever heard, but gives an overall good performance as the disgruntled groundskeeper. I was very impressed with the way this film took full advantage of it's catchy premise. Everyone who learns of the map's power feels the need to test it for themselves, each "test" resulting inevitably in a death. The idea of a supernatural killing tool falling into the hands of a normal guy reminds me a lot of the manga/anime series "Deathnote", in which a smart high-schooler finds a notebook which allows him to kill anyone just by writing their name in it. Like "Deathnote", "I Bury the Living" takes a simple premise and then systematically explores all the different possibilities that this premise allows for. While the deaths in "I Bury the Living" are eventually found to be non-supernatural in origin, the dark psychology behind Kraft's assumption of guilt, and his hallucinatory descent into madness are what I found fascinating about this film.

I give "I Bury the Living" a 9/10. It is a surprisingly well-done b-movie that is in many ways ahead of it's time. Many of the transitions and editing techniques are so modern and stylized I'm surprised this film wasn't considered for any visual editing awards. The film features fine acting all around (with an extra pat on the back to Robert Boone) and the music is appropriately moody. For an evening of thrilling fun, watch "I Bury the Living" with a friend or two and a six-pack of good beer.













I also recommend:

Jess Franco's "Count Dracula" (1970)

aka "Nachts, wenn Dracula erwacht (Germany)", "Les Nuits De Dracula" (France)

Directed by Jesus Franco
Written by Dietmar Behnke and Jesus Franco

Rated PG for implied violence and disturbing imagery.

Jess Franco's "Count Dracula" is a special kind of vampire movie. For one, it's the last portrayal of Dracula by longtime Hammer Horror film star Christopher Lee ("the Horror of Dracula", "Dracula Has Risen from the Grave", "Drink the Blood of Dracula", "Dracula A.D.1972", "The Satanic Rites of Dracula" and others). Though Franco's "Count Dracula" wasn't produced by Hammer, the directer lured Lee back to the role with the promise that, for once, this Dracula film would be a faithful adaptation of Bram Stoker's novel. While there are a few significant deviations from the plot of the novel, overall Franco's "Count Dracula" is the closest film adaptation to Stoker's original novel.

Christopher Lee in "the Horror of Dracula" and Franco's "Count Dracula" (left to right)

One of the biggest differences between "Count Dracula" and other Dracula movies is that Dracula appears old, grey-haired and mustached, as he is described in Bram Stoker's book. Bela Lugosi's heavy-accented, clean-shaven, youthful interpretation of Dracula had been so deeply engrained in our cultural consciousness that it took forty years for Stoker's original vision of Dracula to make it to the big screen.

 

Dracula welcomes Johnathon Harker (Fred Williams) to his secluded castle to go over documents pertaining to Dracula's purchase of a large London estate. Harker quickly notices something is not quite right at castle Dracula. The count looks suspiciously like the shrouded coachman who drove Harker's carriage to the castle. By the time Dracula gives his "...children of the night. What music they make..." speech, it's safe to say that Harker is majorly creeped out. "Count Dracula" includes the often passed-over part of the story that deals with Harker's stay in Dracula's castle. This includes a sequence with three hot female vampires who live with Dracula at his castle (Dracula always has multiple ladies. It's just how he rolls.), and a scene of Harker escaping his locked room by climbing out a window on a narrow ledge. Both scenes are very cinematic and intense in the novel, but they're usually discarded in film adaptations. After finding Dracula sleeping in his coffin, Johnathon takes a panic-fueled dive out of a window, reawakening in Van Helsing's Hospital in London (In the book, he's rescued by some Swiss nuns and nursed back to health, THEN sent back to England).

Back in London, Harker's wife Mina hopes for his hasty recovery. Meanwhile, her best friend Lucy (pictured above) begins to have strange nightly visitations. She appears anemic, as though her blood is being drained away, and in spite of major blood transfusions and all the care Dr. Seward can provide, Lucy slips gradually away, finally dying of blood loss. When local children start disappearing, Dr. Van Helsing begins to suspect vampirism. He leads Harker and friends to the cemetery, where they find Lucy very much undead, and they commence with the classic vampire-staking scene.

Meanwhile, back at the sanitarium, a patient named Renfield collects flies and spiders, obsessed with taking "lives". Renfield (played by the legendary Klaus Kinski, who also played Nosferatu in Warner Herzog's "Nosferatu  the Vampyre") is reputed to have lost his mind in the same Carpathian mountains where Dracula's castle lies. Kinski's performance in "Count Dracula" is spot-on. It's a shame that Renfield is a relatively minor character, but Kinski uses every second of screen-time as a canvas for his performance art. 

Kinski as Renfield in "Count Dracula" and as Nosferatu in "Nosferatu the Vampyre"

Johnathon, Dr. Seward, Van Helsing and Sir Quincy Morris (whose part in the Dracula legacy is harshly abridged in this film adaptation) regroup and put their efforts into Dracula's complete destruction. Unfortunately for them, he's already began to visit Harker's wife Mina in the night. Will they kill Dracula before he kills Mina?

The DVD transfer of the film is pretty good. A particularly neat special feature is an audio track of Christopher Lee reading Bram Stoker's "Dracula". I haven't listened to it yet, but I'm psyched that someone sat Christopher Lee down and got him to read "Dracula" on tape. Other bonuses include subtitles for the hearing impaired (which I always appreciate), as well as a featurette on Jess Franco and an essay on Soledad Miranda.

I give "Count Dracula" an 8/10. The film has a lot of technical flaws. For instance, many of the shots look as if they were done by a cameraman with Parkinson's disease. There are several unnecessary uses of the zoom effect. Also, all of the bats and spiders in the film are VERY clearly fake. But for all of this, the film maintains a certain rustic charm. Though there are several marked deviations from Bram Stoker's novel, it maintains the Gothic feel of the novel, and is by far the most faithful film adaptation of "Dracula" I've seen. The biggest highlights for me were Christopher Lee doing his "bloodshot eye" Dracula face (which looks like it hurts, and is a call-back to his Hammer Horror Dracula films), Kinski as Renfield throwing himself out a window, and the very attractive Maria Rohm and Soledad Miranda as Mina and Lucy. If you're going to be lame and try to wuss out of reading Bram Stoker's "Dracula" (which is really an amazing novel), this is as close as you're going to get in terms of film adaptations. A real treat for fans of pre-Twilight vampire films.













I also recommend:

Shadow of the Vampire (2000)

Directed by E. Elias Merhige
Written by Steven Katz

Rated R for some sexuality, drug content, violence and language.

"Shadow of the Vampire" is a historical fiction based on the premise that Max Schreck, the actor famous for portraying the titular character in F.W. Murnau's classic silent vampire film "Nosferatu" is actually a vampire himself. In addition to being a thrilling historical horror, "Shadow..." is also a cutting commentary on realism and the art of filmmaking.

"Shadow..." stars John Malkovich as F.W. Murnau, the brilliant but haunted director of "Nosferatu". He's so devoted to creating a lasting work of art that he is willing to sacrifice his actors and his soul to have a real vampire play the titular role.

   Max Schreck in "Nosferatu" (1922)           Dafoe as Schreck in "Shadow..." (2000)

Willem Dafoe was nominated for the "Best Supporting Actor" Oscar for his performance of a vampiric Max Schreck, and rightly so. While Defoe isn't a perfect double for the real Max Schreck, his acting skill and facial gymnastics make him every bit as creepy. The film crew is amused but perplexed by Schreck, who insists on only appearing at night and in full make-up. Murnau introduces Schreck as "the ultimate method actor," explaining that he should be referred to by his character's name, "Count Orlock" for the rest of the production.

"Shadow of the Vampire" is an overwhelming success at faithfully recreating the look and feel of scenes from "Nosferatu". It also takes us behind the scenes to see the everyday logistics of making a film. Murnau is set upon by demanding producers, actors and even crew members, each with their own concerns and opinions. He's even plagued by the widow of Bram Stoker, who was suing him for his blatant and shameless appropriation of her husband's book "Dracula". While "Shadow..." clearly takes liberties with historical fact, it does incorporate many real historical elements that were involved with the making of "Nosferatu". For instance, Stoker's widow really did sue Murnau for making "Nosferatu".

Things get even harder for Murnau when cast and crew members begin to turn up dead. Murnau scolds Schreck, insisting that he do nothing to hurt the production, but Schreck is clearly a force of nature that Murnau can't hope to contain. The shooting of the film continues, building towards Schreck's climactic scene with Greta Schroeder (Catherine McCormack), a silver-screen "it" girl, who Schreck has already developed a blood-lust for.

When only a few core crew members are left, Murnau reveals to the survivors that there is no Max Schreck, that Murnau found "Count Orlock" in the very abandoned castle they are using as a set. With only the final scene to shoot, the crew decides to continue shooting with "Schreck", even though it will mean the death of the leading lady.

I give "Shadow of the Vampire" a 10/10. It's a beautifully-shot modern reinterpretation of an already great classic horror film. Dafoe and Malkovich perform to their usual high standard of excellence, and the supporting cast is also quite talented. A perfect companion film to "Nosferatu", "Shadow..." deconstructs filmmaking and vampirism to the point that you begin to see similarities between the two. Watch "Nosferatu" and "Shadow..." together for maximum effect. (Scroll to bottom of review to view "Nosferatu" in a streaming online video player)













I also recommend:

Clerks (1994)

Written and Directed by Kevin Smith

Rated R for extensive use of extremely explicit sex-related dialogue.

A couple of months ago I found a copy of "Clerks" on DVD sitting on top of a recycle bin behind Albertson's. I joked that I had finally found a Kevin Smith movie at the right price. Joking aside, "Clerks" is probably Smith's most significant contribution to the art of cinema.

I feel like there's something about "Clerks" that was uniquely suited to American culture in the mid-90's. The film just wouldn't work today. The choice to shoot the whole movie in black and white was considered edgy and defiant of convention in the 90's. Today, the same choice would be considered trite. It is probably no surprise that the recent sequel, "Clerks II", made the transition from black and white to color in the first minute of the film.

 

Randall and Dante (right to left)

The main characters are Dante (Brian O'Halloran) and Randall (Jeff Anderson), the clerks of a Quick-Stop mini-mart and a video rental place, respectively. The film begins with Dante being called in to work at the mini-mart on his day off. He's furious because it threatens his plans to play street hockey with his friends at two o'clock, but his boss assures Dante he'll be in at noon to relieve him.

Dante's time at the mini-mart plays out as a series of short episodes highlighting the different aspects of working in a mini-mart. Different customers come with different issues. One customer begins preaching against tobacco use, riling up an anti-tobacco crowd who see Dante (as a cigarette vendor) as the root of all evil. The crowd becomes incensed and begins pelting Dante with cigarettes until Randall jumps in and saves him, revealing the rabble-rousing customer as an undercover chewing gum salesman who was using his anti-tobacco platform to push gum on smokers. Another problem customer pulls carton after carton of eggs out of the refrigerators, performing endurance tests to find the "perfect dozen". Yet another crazy customer asks if the mini-mart carries hubcaps. The comedy of these situations will be lost to no one who has frequented a mini-mart and seen the strange things that happen there.

Around the time Dante's supposed to be relieved by his boss, he gets a call from another employee telling him that his boss has left town indefinitely. Angry but unwilling to stray far from the store, Dante decides that he and his friends can play hockey on the roof of the Quick-Stop. Randall even talks him into giving the players free Gatorade. But an angry would-be customer ends the game after only a few points by hitting the only street-hockey ball into a sewage drain.

Most of the film deals with Dante's irritably restricted existence and Randall's casual disrespect for restrictions colliding in an explosion of witty dialogue. Randall openly disrespect customers, much to the horror of rule-abiding Dante. He even negligently sells a four-year-old girl a pack of cigarettes, for which Dante is blamed. For all of Randall's faults, he knows who he is and that the rules of a Quick Stop mini-mart don't amount to a lot in the grand scheme of things. Dante is plagued by indecision and uncertainty. He never takes a stand for himself and ends up being a doormat.

Dante's dating Veronica, a nice girl who brings him lasagna at work, but he's still infatuated with his ex Caitlin. When he learns that Caitlin is getting married, he risks his relationship with Veronica to try to win Caitlin's heart again, and through a dark but hilarious twist of fate, ends up losing them both. Dante's biggest problem is wanting to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to have a stable job that provides him financial security while still having the freedom to play hockey at 2 PM on a weekday. He wants a loving, stable girlfriend, but still lusts after the girl who cheated on him seven times. Randall has a much firmer "fuck the world" attitude. He skates through life with as little effort as possible, but in the end he's a happier and more self-aware character than Dante.

The conflicting personalities of Randall and Dante finally clash in a fight that tears the Quick-Stop apart, literally. Then, when they're exhausted and down-trodden, they help each other clean up the mess and close up the store so they can repeat the whole debacle tomorrow.

I give "Clerks" an 8.5/10. It's not a perfect movie, but is surprisingly well done for a film that was funded mostly on credit cards and donations. The two leading actors have enough on-screen chemistry to sell their "Odd Couple" relationship. The film also introduces Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith himself), who will become regular Kevin Smith movie fixtures in the decade to come. Overall, this film captures the essence of 90's youth apathy and wraps it up in a smart, edgy  package.













I also recommend:

Skeleton Man (2004)

Directed by Johnny Martin
Written by Frederick Bailey

Rated R for violence and brief language, as well as just being a horrible film.

"Skeleton Man" is part of a horror film 4-pack I bought last year. It is without a doubt one of the worst horror films I have ever seen.

The premise is that a Native American warrior went bat-shit insane and slew his whole tribe. Then, as a supernatural ghost in a polyester cape and cheap Halloween mask, the Skeleton Man terrorizes the worst actors in Hollywood. The first time I watched this, I was half-convinced that it was actually an elaborate ironic satire on bad filmmaking. Upon rewatching it, I realized that it's just a uniquely terrible film.

What made this film worth chuckling at for me is that it's so badly done that most first-year film students could do better. As a filmmaker myself, I puzzled at the terrible editing choices again and again. Half a dozen times throughout the film, I noticed areas that looked unfinished in terms of editing. The title animation looks like a failed demo of crappy 90's CG blood effects. At one point, instead of showing a clip of the moon, they inserted a grainy still-frame of the moon. You know filmmakers are lazy when they intersperse low-quality still photography instead of getting a five-second shot of the moon.

If the bad editing weren't enough, the story is comically bad. After the Skeleton Man attacks some archeologists digging up Native American artifacts, he terrorizes workers at a chemical plant, and then takes out a team of special forces soldiers. There is no attempt made whatsoever to connect these scenes other than that Skeleton Man is in all of them. What they establish in terms of plot (other than a lack thereof) I have no idea.

A second team of soldiers is called in, and for some reason, the back-up team incomprehensibly consists of mostly attractive girls. As the characters are introducing themselves, titles pop up on-screen to further introduce them. It's redundant and sloppy. The character says "Hi, I'm Davis. Underwater Demolition Specialist," and as she's speaking, the words "Davis - Underwater Demolition" pop up below her. There is no reason to use titles to introduce characters EVER. And if you do, there is even less reason to have the characters verbally reiterate something the title has already told us. I am confused as to why Davis was brought on the mission at all. There are no bodies of water featured in Skeleton Man.

After quite a bit of awful dialogue amongst the "soldiers" (I can't even type it without using quotation marks), the team begins to sweep the area of forest where the first team disappeared. They quickly encounter an old, blind Native American who tells them the myth of the Skeleton Man in exchange for a can of army surplus beans, which he eats cold as he speaks. I am not Native American, but I am offended on their behalf by their sordid representation in this film. It is clear to me that no self-respecting Native American will ever be able to watch this film without shedding a single tear. The Skeleton Man fights with a spear, a bow and arrow, an inappropriately medieval-looking broadsword, and a giant spear, each of which he appears to have stored in his rectum because he just whips these giant weapons out of nowhere at a moment's notice. He rides around on a horse wearing a polyester cape and a cheap Halloween mask. I have always had a deep hatred for any film that uses cheap rubber masks instead of make-up effects. I'm pretty sure you can buy the "Skeleton Man" mask at Fred Meyers for about 10$ around Halloween-time. Not that you'd want to.

Finally, the Skeleton Man begins picking off the "soldiers" one by one. He appears at random out of bad CG vortex-like ripples in space, which seems more science fiction than ghostly to me. He kills most of the group without much effort, eventually narrowing it down to Lt. Scott (the attractive Sarah Ann Schultz) and Captain Leary (Michael Rooker, the recipient of an infamous "chocolate covered pretzel" in Kevin Smith's "Mallrats"). Leary spends the rest of the film trying to blow the living shit out of the Skeleton Man with his seemingly endless supply of explosives.

I give "Skeleton Man" a 3/10. My ongoing quest to watch and review movies sure does lead me to some strange places. I'm sure there's some film out there worse than "Skeleton Man", but I haven't found it yet. The death scenes are so over-the-top that they're occasionally funny (like when the Skeleton Man hits one of the "soldiers" so hard that he does a backflip), but there are thousands of better films to watch. The only way I can recommend this film is if you are a struggling amateur filmmaker and want to feel better about your chances of directing a big Hollywood movie. If some studio let Johnny Martin use their money to make this terrible, laughable film, then there's a chance for all of us.

Buy "Skeleton Man"? (I wouldn't if I were you!)













Or check out these much better films:

The Terror (1963)

Directed by Roger Corman
Written by Leo Gordon and Jack Hill

Rated PG for frightening imagery and situations.

"The Terror" is one of many old films that are now public domain. This means that anyone with a copy of this film can reproduce and even sell it with no copyright penalties. So go burn a copy today! "The Terror" has also been made available to watch or download for free here.

In addition to being free, "The Terror" also boasts the unlikely pairing of Boris Karloff and Jack Nicholson in the lead roles. For fans of Karloff's later work and Nicholson's earlier work, "The Terror" should be a special treat!

The film opens with a really neat animation sequence featuring ghostly images flying around cartoonish Gothic architecture to intense instrumental music as the opening credits play. This animation reminded me of the credit sequences of old Warner Brothers' cartoons. At it's heart, "The Terror" is a Gothic fairy tale, and I feel the opening animation does an excellent job of setting the mood.

Jack Nicholson stars as Andre Duvalier, a lieutenant in Napoleon's army who has been separated from his regiment and wanders along an anonymous beach, close to exhaustion. Just as he's near losing consciousness from heat-stroke, he meets Helene (Sandra Knight), a beautiful young woman who helps him find fresh water and flirts with him mercilessly. Suddenly, Helene starts walking straight into the ocean. Andre tries to rescue her, but nearly drowns himself, and is attacked by a malicious falcon as he struggles against the strong current. Apparently Jack Nicholson's performance here wasn't all acting. The actor later revealed that he almost drown himself when this scene was being filmed.

Duvalier awakens in the cottage of Katrina (Dorothy Neumann), an old woman so ugly she can only be a witch. Katrina claims to have rescued Andre from the ocean, and that she knows nothing about a girl in the area. When Andre is well enough, he sets out to explore the area. He quickly encounters Helene (Sandra Knight) and follows her into the forest. As he chases after Helene, Duvalier is grabbed by a young local named Gustaf. Gustaf explains that the ground Duvalier was headed towards is deadly quicksand. Andre remarks "She tried to kill me". Gustaf cryptically responds "It's not her fault. Her will is not her own". Gustaf reveals that the girl lives at the castle of the reclusive and long-named Baron Victor Frederick von Leppe (Boris Karloff).

Baron von Leppe, like every truly nefarious Gothic noble, lives in a beautiful Gothic castle perched on a cliff. Upon his arrival, Andre sees Helene looking out of one of the castle's windows. Andre knocks on the large front door and is greeted by Baron von Leppe himself, who assures him that there is no woman in the castle. Andre demands (quite rudely, I might add) to stay the night at the castle instead of one of the village inns. The Baron grudgingly obliges. Once inside the lush castle, von Leppe shows Duvalier an old painting of a beautiful woman who bears a striking resemblance to Helene. The Baron suggests that perhaps Andre saw the painting through the window and mistook it for a living girl. The woman in the painting is the Baron's late wife, the Baroness Ilsa von Leppe. Uncertain how to proceed, Duvalier settles in for the night, making himself at home in the Baron's creepy castle.

Andre awakes during the night to find Helene walking through the moonlit graveyard under the window to his room. He follows her. She leads him to the entrance to the tomb of the Baroness von Leppe in the crypt under the castle and then disappears. [An interesting historical goof: Nicholson carries a snub-nosed revolver with him as he creeps around the castle. Revolvers weren't invented until several decades after the film is set, and the snub-nosed version wasn't really seen in Europe at all, but in the American West.] Again confounded by the hot but elusive Helene, Andre has every intention of taking his horse and leaving the area, but is told that his horse has escaped during the night and is missing. Enraged, he takes his anger out on the Baron's butler, Stefan. Stefan assures Duvalier that he will get him a new horse as soon as possible ("Believe me, Lieutenant, I have no desire to interfere with your departure from this castle."), but for the time being, Andre is stuck in the decrepit mansion.

One of the highlights of this film is watching Jack Nicholson be incredibly rude to people. Long before Jack Nicholson was the great actor we now know him to be, he had a great talent for being arrogant and abrasive on film. In "The Terror", Nicholson is almost a one-note pony. He goes from horny to insensibly angry and back to horny again with little provocation.

Unable to find Helene or any explanation for the mystery surrounding her and the castle, Duvalier confronts Baron von Leppe, demanding answers. After a bit of resistance, von Leppe tells the story of his meeting with his wife, Ilsa. She was a peasant girl. By all rights, in those times, a Baron could have "claimed" her as his own without any problems, but he chose to court her and woo her instead. He went off to fight in a war, and when he returned, he found a man named Erik with Ilsa in her bed. Baron Victor tells Duvalier how he murdered Ilsa in a rage, and how Stefan "took care of" Erik. Haunted by his past and miserable, the Baron reveals that he's seen Ilsa several times since he killed her, and that he looks forward to her occasional hauntings because he gets to see her again.

Things become further confused when Duvalier discovers that Katrina the witch is using Helene to channel the spirit of the dead Baroness in order to push the Baron to suicide. Why would she go to such lengths to punish the Baron? What is Katrina's connection to Erik, the dead Baroness' lover? In a thrilling twist-ending, Roger Corman turns our expectations on their heads to unveil the shocking truth about the von Leppes.

"The Terror" is not driven by excellent writing, acting or plot. It is more of an atmospheric horror piece, akin to "Night of the Living Dead" or "Carnival of Souls". That is not to say that acting, writing and plot aren't there, they just take a back seat to the slow-burn terror of "The Terror". Karloff (who at this point in his career was declining in popularity) gives a good performance as Baron von Leppe, and Nicholson is adequate as Andre Duvalier, but neither of them are at their peak.

The locations used in the film are almost surreal. All of the sets were left-overs from "The Raven", another Corman production. "The Terror" is rumored to have been shot mostly in the four days following the completion of filming on "The Raven". Corman used the sets as much as possible before they were torn down. The rest of the film was pieced together patch-work by several other filmmakers who collaborated to complete Corman's vision. These included a young Francis Ford Coppola and Jack Nicholson himself. What results is a varied tapestry of plot threads that actually go together quite nicely.

I give "The Terror" an 8/10. It's haunting, beautifully-shot, and genuinely entertaining. I got a 1$ copy of this DVD at the Dollar Tree and it was well worth it. The low-quality video and audio added to the film's nostalgic fairy-tale creepiness. The story is engaging and intelligent (though the plot falls apart a little under scrutiny), and the visuals are breath-taking. So if you're a fan of Gothic horror, fairy tales or ghost stories, stop what you're doing right now and watch "The Terror" for free online:


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